Tag Archives: PPD

Dark Clouds Are Returning

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My worst fears have come true 😥 My PPD seems to have come back. I’ve been fighting it for the past few days and I just cannot get above it. I honestly do not know what I am going to do this time………

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Things Are Finally Turning Around!!!

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Well it’s about time things start going in a more positive direction for me. It felt like that black cloud would follow me forever! But now that I am through my whole pregnancy ordeal I am feeling better. My household seems to be improving as well. We are finally getting ahead financially. What a good feeling. Emotionally I have been feeling good. I know it’s still early but I am hopeful that I will not fall prey to the grip of postpartum depression. All in all things are looking up :mrgreen:

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My shining light, my antidepressant, my blessing

My Journey

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I’m feeling very sentimental today. Maybe it’s the hormones? I am just so amazed how my life has turned out. I’ve had some ups and downs. But all in all I’m doing pretty good 🙂 I’m so in awe that I’ve gotten stronger – both emotionally and spiritually. Let me tackle the emotional one first. I believe I’ve had depression most of my life. It was at it’s worst after Busy Bee was born. It took about 1 1/2 years after she was born for me to feel “normal” Then about a year later I was pregnant again. Life was going great. We decided to buy a house. That was the most stressful thing I’ve ever done!! And all of this while I’m pregnant! So we moved into our new house about 1 1/2 weeks before JoJo was born. Then 2 weeks later Ry-Guy broke his wrist at school. I was getting bad again. I had just moved away from my friends, church and the area I felt comfortable in. I was nursing a new baby, taking care of 2 little ones & 2 bigger ones and trying to settle into a new house. After many calls to the doc I was finally put on some medication. The darkness was ending. I was beginning to feel “normal” again 😉 Now this is where the spiritual and emotional story come together. After searching for a church I finally found a great church. Everyone there was so nice from the moment I walked through the doors. It was just what my fragile self needed. Slowly I got settled in my home, my church and myself. All was going well. And specifically in the past 2 months I have grown in leaps and bounds!! The miscarriage being the turning point. Just when I thought all was well, my world was rocked. It was sink or swim for my emotions. And boy did I swim. Actually it was more like clinging on to God. He was my life vest in those troubled waters. He was the one who took me to dry land and wrapped me tight. He was the one who was there in the darkest hours. He was the one who healed my heart. So in turn my emotional self was doing pretty good. Until the next storm hit. Which was the ending of a long time friendship. I was 2 weeks out of my miscarriage storm when this one blew in. I felt blindsided. It came out of nowhere. I was baffled and bewildered. I was exhausted and not sure if I had the strength to get through this one. PTL I have God on my side. Again He swooped in and held me close. He whispered in my ear and gave me strength. He sent me angels (my new friends) and calmed my soul. I hate saying how surprised I am because it sounds as if I doubt myself. But I am surprised. Just one short year ago I couldn’t even get through a day without crying or feeling angry & edgy. Just one short year ago I could barely leave the house. And now??? I’m doing great!! Yes I have a bad day now and then. But for the most part I am emotionally & spiritually settled. I know there will be more storms to come. PTL I am ready for them 😉