Not Sure How I Feel??


Sigh…I don’t know if I’m very angry of very sad!! My “sweet” hubby was in such a mood yesterday. At first it was just a little tension when he got home from work. But I usually give him time to wind down after work. He yelled all through dinner 😦 First let me backtrack. Earlier in the day I let Mickey (our doggie) out the front door and off he went. It was an accident of course. I called hubby to let him know and he was mad!! But PTL that goofy dog came back about 40 minutes later. I called hubby and even tho the dog came home he was still pretty annoyed with me. So fast forward and now we’re sitting and eating dinner and hubby is in a “mood” and just being jerky. Ok whatever….he will hopefully feel better after dinner right?? So I jump on the computer. Hubby is on the couch watching Spongebob with the little ones. Hmmm…maybe we’ll have a nice night after all?? Then he starts reading over my shoulder. “What are you blogging about now?” he asks. “I’m not blogging I’m on my message board” Then he preceded to read what I’m writing. Not that I have anything to hide from him, but the board I’m on….my hubby just wouldn’t get it. It is for TTC after loss. So he finally walks away and I’m back to the post I was reading. Then I check my e-mail. My heart starts pounding and I feel a little sick. It’s from my “friend”. I was definitely not looking forward to reading that e-mail. Earlier I had “snuck” on to her blog because I was feeling very overwhelmed with thoughts of her and I couldn’t help myself 😳 I knew she’d find out, but I did it anyway. But she was just checking up on Goober after his “episode”. But guess what?? This was when hubby decides he wants to know what I’m reading again. 😡 When I tell him it’s an e-mail and who it’s from he’s not very pleased. He tells me to not respond and to let it go. I certainly wasn’t going to tell him I was writing back and being nice about it. I wasn’t going to tell him I was touched she was checking up on Goober. I wasn’t going to tell him I wasn’t upset about the e-mail and enjoyed giving the update. No way…I was just letting him walk away. So I spend some more time on the computer…only because he’s talking under his breath (quite loudly) about me avoiding him. Why would I go sit with him when he’s that annoyed?? Plus he was avoiding me on Sunday when he played his computer game all day!! Anyway….I finally shut down the cpu and put the little ones to bed. We watch one of our shows together in tense silence. When the show is over he’s still in his “mood” I can’t remember exactly what hubby said but next thing I know I’m sitting on the couch alone and he’s in our room. I watch tv until I’m sure he’s asleep 😉

So now it’s morning and I hear this ringing. It sounds like a cell phone but not mine. I go investigate and hubby has set the alarm for my cell and left it on a note he wrote with 2 candy bars. He apologised and said he was very sorry. He called a little while later and reiterated what he wrote in his note. He couldn’t talk long because he was working so that was that. Sigh…I know very long story short…..I’m not sure how I feel right now??? It could go either way 😡 😥 I know everyone has a bad day. I’m pretty bad on my bad days 😳 But now I feel like I have to walk on egg shells for a bit. And if I have to be honest??? I’m worried about us missing our “window” this month if this fight lingers on. I still have time before that happens……but it could go either way with hubby 😦 I’m not really mad at him. I’m just mad about the way he was acting. Then that makes me really sad 😥 I feel like my emotions are so high right now. Plus this is my first cycle after the miscarriage. So I’m sure I’m a little more hormonal then usual.

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