I thought I was doing good after the loss of our baby. But today has not been a good day so far. I’m feeling edgy, tired, and I definitely don’t want to talk to anyone. My mom has been really getting on my nerves. In her defense she’s never had a miscarriage. But when I’ve tried to tell her about all that’s gone on she hasn’t responded in ways that are comforting. I don’t know where my mom is in her walk of faith but when ever I talk about God, Jesus or my faith she gets that defensive attitude and makes everything a joke. It really makes me not want to talk to her at all. If I say “praise the Lord” then my mom will say in a joking voice “amen” or “hallelujah”. When I told her about how God gave me baby Job’s name she just didn’t get it and made it seem dumb. I know from day one I said I was having a girl and I guess I confused her on that? She said something to the effect that we didn’t have to pick a different name for the baby that we could use the name Megan again. 😥 Sigh…I don’t know…I wish I could tell her how I feel and not “guard” my words so as to not get hurt. 😦
So I guess I’m in stage 2 Anger? The stages of grief are:
1. Denial (a refusal to believe what has happened).
2. Anger (blaming yourself or others for the loss).
3. Bargaining (striking a deal with yourself or God to have things return to the way they were).
4. Depression (feeling listless, tired, despondent, guilty, punished, and/or as if there’s no pleasure or joy in life).
5. Acceptance (realizing that life has to go on, and regaining your energy and goals for the future).