I Never Knew….

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How much I’d miss something I never really had. 😥 The afternoon wasn’t too bad. I had the kids to keep me busy. Plus I was baking and getting ready for Goober’s sleepover birthday party. But now that the little ones are in bed and hubby is sleeping it’s hitting me hard. Well it is and it isn’t. It seems to come in waves. And I just found out my cousin is pregnant and is due one week after I would have been due 😥 I can only pray my heart is healed to be able to be joyful for her when her baby arrives. Hubby was asking if I wanted to try again as soon as we can. I don’t know? We didn’t really try for this one. I know I have time to decide and nothing needs to be set in stone….but I just can help but let my mind wander….then it wanders too far. To the thoughts of what my future would have held….to what my arms would have held 😥 I’m not angry at God and I still believe all things happen for a reason. I may not know His plans for me but I do know He has a plan for me and my family. I am comforted knowing my baby is in heaven with Jesus and my grandma 😥

In a few hours I will be sitting in the hospital and I have to say I am so scared.

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