I was thinking of the theme song from Cheers. Not that I’m comparing my church to a bar lol! It just nice to go: “Where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.” I finally feel like I have a home. A place to belong. Ever since I got saved 8 years I dreamed of having my own house, belonging to a church, and being part of a community. It took the better part of our first year in our new home…but I finally got what I dreamed of! My church is so great. All the kids love going. Well maybe JoJo not so much. He’s having some separation issues lol! Chip & Busy Bee are always asking if today is “a church day”. My pastors know who I am and what is going on in my life. I feel comfortable enough to go on Wednesday nights in comfy clothes and no make-up. (Ugh did I look like cr*p last night!!) I’m slowly making friends with other church mommies.
I know….what a difference from my post yesterday right? Well that’s how the Lord works. When you’re down He will pick you up. And just sometimes He will carry you when you cannot go on. Yes I threw myself a pity party yesterday.
Ugh…I can’t go back. Not after all that’s happened. I spoke with the doctor today and his response really made me mad. He seemed like he didn’t even care that he was losing a patient. Not that I expected him to be personally upset. I just figured it’d be good business to find out why your patient is upset. Maybe it’s common for patients to leave after a miscarriage?? Who knows?? Now I feel a little lost..not having an OB/GYN. Not that I need one right now..I’m not pregnant…yet!! 😉 But then there’s the questions? Who do I go to? What hospital do they use? Will they be nice & supportive?? I’m asking around and I’m sure I’ll find a doc soon. It was just a little emotional for me to speak with the doctor today 😥 I asked the doctor about getting a copy of the sonogram picture from my last appointment. I never even thought of asking for one when I was there 😥 The only picture I have of baby Job he was just a dot…not much there. When he passed on he was a little more formed and I really need to have that picture.
I woke up with the words to that hymn on my mind (and we didn’t even sing it at church yesterday!!)
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul
From what I remember about the story of this hymn is that the man wrote this after passing over the spot where his daughters had died when the boat they were on had sunk. It is well with my soul….yes I can say that. God really worked hard on me yesterday. I feel like my soul has been settled and my heart is at peace. Yes I’m sure I’ll have sad days to come…but nothing like the heart wrenching pain that I suffered just a few short days ago! I truly felt the hand of God on my heart yesterday. How awesome that God would take the time to comfort me? How special can a person feel after that? Wow…words can not even begin to describe how I feel!! And I can proudly say that I did not even question God’s plan once. (Something I would have done in the past…something I did do in the past!!) God is so good <><
I can’t seem to find it. I’ve looked every where. When I was a kid and I lost something my mom would always ask “Where was the last place you had it?” Sigh…the last time I had my umph was 2/13 the morning of my sonogram. After that I haven’t seen it!! I am hoping it’s not lost forever. I don’t think I can live without it!! All I would like right now is the motivation to read, sew, cross stitch…anything! I feel like I’m in a very lonely rut 😦 Yes my heart is not aching so bad, so that is a plus. But now I don’t know what to do with myself??? And I need something to do to keep my mind busy…yet I don’t know what to do? Ugh…it’s never ending…this…lack…of…motivation!!
God is so good! PTL! He has heard my prayers and is healing my heart. Church was great…everyone was so good to us. The prayers were amazing. God sent His angels to pray over us to give us strength. His love was stronger then ever. Thank you Lord!! The feeling of peace that I have right now is so strong. It is just what my grieving heart needed…a time to rest…a break in the pain…a touch from God!! How awesome it is to feel so small in the presence of the Lord, knowing He is all-knowing…giving all you have…for Him…the glory of God!
Oh boy is that hard!! But if I don’t how can I keep sane? I have to trust God has His plan for my family.
……..and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
And I’ll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Through the grace of God I was able to see another day…for that I am thankful. Today has been a better day 🙂 I “think” I may be ready for hour by hour?? Thank you Lord……